The window of opportunity

by anouska
(south africa)

I am turning 30 this year and have been through more years of experience than I ever wanted or wished to go through.

I married Evil, I believed so desperately that I needed his love that I conditioned my mind in only trusting him and giving my every molecule to him...

Little did i realize that my now 3 year old daughter would utter a mother's worst fears while lying next to me…

I have never had my mind and eyes so open to the lies and deceit of a naturally evil intentioned person. The lies had escalated to such an extent that I could hear it before it left his dirty mouth. I have met psychotic, emotionally destroyed, schizophrenic, self absorbed, self centered and even the worst of parents, or should I say, a mother's emotional abuse.

She had sold me at a very young age to fulfill her addictions and I was left with scars years later. Then I married the one person I thought would love and protect and secure my every need, including my child.

Never ever fall into that trap where you only realize their capabilities when the destruction has already taken place, and you are the only person to have to keep it together for the sake of your child…

Malignancy is a vampirish and soul sucking characteristic that can only be recognized by you and you alone, whether married, dating or just a sibling.

Never underestimate and never think that you have the upper hand, because if you are a normal person you are not capable of destruction.

No one obviously believes me as a concerned mother and I am in a third world country where no one can even speak or understand English... there is no help, no support. I had to commit fraud in order to escape and yet still find myself in the cobwebs of his lies.

You as an individual and mother, woman, needs to realize that if you can understand that you do not need his love then that is one step in the right direction...

I have never met someone that is as manipulative and deceitful and evil as the man I married.
I have no money to divorce him, no money to leave this God forsaken country… But what I do have is a small piece of what is left of who I was.

They give us a list to read as the victims that come or are involved in a narcissistic relationship, and the only thing I have not thought of or ever wanted to do was commit suicide.

Because believe it or not I am worthy to be loved and a wholesome love, a true godly love. No one is able to help you get out of this, and when you feel like every time he just utters your name from the lounge for that one more thing you have to bring to him, (that feeling in the pit of your stomach is real), please do not ignore that.

I did, and it cost me my daughter's innocence. Remember they are incapable of unconditional love, empathy and change.