Date Website and Psychopaths

by Mary
(Highland Park, NJ, USA)

My psychopath began to lovebomb me after meeting me on a date website. He definitely accessed me and gained my trust.

He began to attack my Christian beliefs first with his mentoring on the inner consciousness and saying how our meeting was cosmic. He slowly played with my mind and asked me to watch videos of other inner consciousness cults.

I was texted consistently everyday as he attempted to erode my belief in God and he began to replace that with sexuality. At first he used my feminist beliefs to break sexual barriers. He told me my Christianity was a huge conflict and women have been deprived sexually through religion and that I should be able to enjoy sex the same way men can. Sounds fair. I couldn't agree with him more.

He sounded liberal, open minded and truly compassionate. He seemed like a dream come true.

I had many phone conversations and after a month of that he convinced me to download skype. So than the skyping began. And more mentoring. We skyped almost everyday. And he planned to fly from Hawaii to see me. He told me that he would not come see me until he felt I was ready to experience all of him. He said he was laying down the proper foundation so that I had a comfort level to in-sperience sex and love myself. My skypes were mentoring lessons about how to love myself.

He did not want me to participate with my friends, social career, church or anything outside my job. I didn't have time for anything else because the skypes were sometimes 7 to 8 hours long almost everyday and the texts went till sometimes 5 in the morning. He played guitar with me on skype. That was something we had in common. He told me band stories.

He eventually tried to get me to remove my clothes. And I was very shy at first. Then he began taking his off. Eventually in a few months I became uninhibited with him. Eventually he started telling me stories about his New York band experiences.

But then he would become abusive. He would start telling me about his past sexual experiences. He told me that he had sex with more than 100 women in his past. And he went into details about some of the experiences. By then I was so dependent on him and everything he said I just listened.

But once I flipped out and broke up with him when I couldn't stand his abuse anymore. Although he claimed he was monogamous and that I was the only woman he would ever love.

I broke up with him because it felt weird and abusive. I felt extreme anxieties to the point of stomach pains. I could hardly eat anymore. He called me. I picked up the phone. I agreed to stay with him.

When we skyped he literally raised his voice at me telling me that he would not reward me for bad behavior. He told me that he trained dogs once and he is going to have to train me like he trained his dogs. And I told him he was reading too much Ivan Pavlov and that this dog will not salivate when he rings the bell. Well, that's easy to joke about and little did I know I was on my way to some bell ringing and future salivations.

He flew to New Jersey from Hawaii. Claimed he would spend a week with me and then he would be in Germany/Norway to paint the inside of airplanes. He came to see me. I was with him.

My experience with him physically was very strange. It was mechanical like and lacked real emotional intimacy. This man clearly was terrified of intimacy. He'd stare me in the eyes. I couldn't cuddle him, hold his hand, kiss him or do anything that I initiated. Everything had to be initiated by him. Everything.

He cut the trip down to 5 days. He claimed the airlines made him go 2 days sooner to work on the airplane. Once he left for Europe he began to email me. The emails became infrequent. After 3 weeks I became brave. I broke up with him in an email. Then 3 weeks after that I broke down and tried to get him back. He put a block on my phone.

The next day my friend reached out to his ex-wife via my Facebook private message. My friend was really worried about me and she wanted to see if Tim was dangerous. I get a response from his ex saying, "call me immediately. This man is very dangerous. Do you know his whereabouts? I am here shaking thinking that he even mentioned my name."

So I called her the next day. She told me he almost strangled her to death. She was hospitalized. He's a sex addict, pathological liar, he beat her, terriozied her, broke in her home and raped her after she threw him out and she told me I am a very lucky, lucky girl to be away from him. I told her he blocked me. She laughed and said its all games and its the other way around.

She told me he was a con man. She had over a million dollars and he tried to take her money. So months went by and something happened that I'd rather not mention that I had no choice but to contact him. I seriously considerated not contacting him about it but then I decided to make the contact through email. Somehow, he sucked me back in.

We skyped a lot again. He told me he was writing a manual. He said I should invest and be the main facilitator of it. He flew out to see me.

I forgot to mention he had already met my parents during the first trip and he always projected himself as being poor. But my mother claimed that he had some money. She said not a whole lot, but claimed he had some money in the bank. My mother has a good sniffer for money.

Once he flew out for the second time he only stayed for 2 days. He headed for Germany again. He emailed everyday consistently. Emails were weird. Some nice. Some sexually degrading. I noticed after 2 months of emails, the emails didn't contain the words love or kiss anymore.

At one point his ex-wife called me. She pleaded with me saying I don't deserve the abuse of this man. Eventually I admitted to Tim that I spoke to his ex-wife. He flipped out. He went nuts for 2 weeks over it. Then he flew out. He stayed for 5 days. He even visited my church after I asked him to, but then pointed out the phallic shapes in the stained glass in the Sanctuary.

We actually did have a pretty good time, until the evening of the 5th day. That is when he started to degrade me a lot. He started to pick on me with lots of criticism. And he also was very cold the night before he left. He hardly cuddled me. He got angry when I touched his chest. To be honest with all you readers, I will spare you all the details.

He is a sadistic, mean spirited, nasty man. During his visit he also made me stop so he could snap photos of garages for sale. He claimed he needed those so that the images will bring those properties to him in consciousness. And that he could get a military loan to purchases one providing he had a girl to front it. He also applied for a credit card at the guitar center, maybe to prove to me he has bad credit. I knew he would be declined. And he also texted constantly in front of me with the back of his phone flipped to my face. He claimed they were business associates. Claims he skypes 20 people at a time on a web/conference call. They are investing in his life leadership manual he is writing and they will facilitate it.

He flew back to Hawaii last week. He texted a little less. And I got angry because I saw that he was frequently on date websites. One of them he frequents is called date hookup. I texted him asking for an explanation. He responded, "why can you not be secure within yourself?"

Then I called. He didn't answer but later texted me 'I'll call you in a bit'. Then he didn't. Then I asked him why he didn't call. He said he'd call tomorrow. And he didn't. Then I asked him what is wrong. He text he was having an emergency situation and was trying to get together some money. So my slick response was 'OK,...well I hope you feel better soon'.

Then I text about my accomplishments a few hours later. I bragged about playing in a band in the famous Asbury Lanes near the Stone Pony where Bruce Springsteen made his legacy and commented that I'd never give up guitar playing. I'd never give him my Gibson Les Paul and that I looked forward to reading the first 3 chapters in his manual. And that I agreed with him that I need to look at the glass half full and not half empty. That I'm going to do whatever I want to do and that I'll do it until my cup runneth over.

A few hours went by and so I asked him to text me to let me know if he was mad at me. To let me know if he was OK. So he text me one single period in a text. I got angry and broke up with him. And then proceeded to send him emails telling him that he needs clinical help. I sent him links with many articles on Narcissist Personality Disorder and I told him he needs help. I did it nicely. Despite how cruel he's been to me I still acted with compassion.

It's been 3 days since my last contact. I'm silenced by him. But this time I'm not feeling too miserable. I feel a relief.

Today I sang in the Gospel Choir. Yesterday I walked on the boardwalk of Asbury Park, where I recall the best romantic short lived relationship with a man I knew over 20 years ago. He was not a controlling man. I expressed myself freely back then. I remember expressing myself in the abandoned convention hall. Holding his hand near the Stone Pony.

Back then Asbury Park was run down, empoverished and deserted except for the Stone Pony and Asbury Lanes. And last night as I walked down the boardwalk I realized I was there when it was delapidated. I was there through its grunge and I am still there to see it shine all brand new and renovated.

And although I cannot play guitar solos like Tim, I can play power chords and I did play in Asbury Lanes. And he didn't. Through thick or thin Asbury Park made a come back and all I have to do is hop in my car, drive down there and I'm right back where I started from.

No-one can take who you really are away. Its all mind control. And I realize I am Asbury Parks impressionist of love.